Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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