Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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