I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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