If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
