Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
