yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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