Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
