My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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