just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
