Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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