Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
