apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
