I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
