peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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