I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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