ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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