I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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