dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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