your thong is hanging out like whoa
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
