Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
