Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
