My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
