Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
