I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
