yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
