i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
