I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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