The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
