it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
