If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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