i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
