I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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