the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
