How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Come see our sink grown plant.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
