I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I skipped work to stalk him.
we made out on top of his cat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
