I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
