I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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