I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
