When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
