@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
