I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
