someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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