So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
