In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
