My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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