Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
