You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
