Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
