Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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