I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
